Playground of words

untitled still

My fingers feel the goosebumps on my arm

There is a definite chill in the warmth

My head is a little fuzzy

My eyes still adjusting

My legs almost buckled there

Is that what is feels like- a physical blow?

The blow that I most welcomed

Is it actually true, not just a fairy tale?

Was that an unreal moment?

But how can it not be true, not real?

It was like an overwhelming force

No merely metaphysical, but an actual presence

A feeling so potent, I could explode 

Yet it's an explosion I most welcome

It's a passion filled with reverence

It's an innate need like water and air

Like the very blood in my veins

It's the fragrance of ecstasy

Like the sunlight that warms the brow

It's a craze which drives to destruction

Yet indestructible it is so

It is the very positivity that fills the air

The power that fuels my belief

It makes me want to fly, to soar

To take a leap of faith

All I want to do is stare

Yet I'm afraid to look

My gaze might kill its beauty I fear

Though deep down I know it's beauty is impossible to kill

I long to extend my hand and touch

But I resist, worried it will crumble

Yet no touch is required, for it's in me

It'll live till I do and beyond

It's like a whisper in my ear

An ancient magic so pure

It is so incredible

I can hardly stand it anymore

This again makes me wonder

What if it's just a dream?

But how could it not be real?

It's the very definition of me.

Failing Democracy

Democracy as we are all aware of (at least hopefully if we haven’t already been so far driven as to forget the power of the word) simply means the rule of the people or majority rule. It is paradoxical and highly ironical to say in the least that theoretically the country, which is ‘the world’s largest democracy’, is also a place where the very term ‘democracy’ has become redundant, and the true spirit of the word seems to have been forgotten as the government so easily and condescendingly ignores the opinion of the majority. And what is the justification that they provide for violating people’s democratic rights? - It’s a clichéd term that goes something like “for the greater/general good”. If we stop to think over it we will realize that this term simply invokes the memory of dictatorial and autocratic regimes, all of whom used the same argument for oppression of the masses.

    There is a gradual failure of democracy at every step of the way. It failed when the largest majority seen in quite a while matched steps with Anna Hazare, with the largest group protests, collective fasts, and yet no outcome whatsoever, except maybe disillusionment, specially for those who had placed their faith in the government. It failed yet again with its censorship policies. Just as the country was beginning to appreciate the relaxing of censorship so that people themselves could be the judge of what to, and what not to view, they went ahead and blocked over two hundred websites, with plans and discussions to block further more, including crucial networking sites such as facebook, and twitter. Here we again witness a paradox, when censorship is lax enough to allow vulgarity in the film industry, and yet paranoid enough to block communication of lifelong friends living across countries. I feel we are moving towards the very system, which we once strongly opposed, and setting up barriers to cut us off from the rest of the world in this era of globalization. The biggest blow yet to come though, was the limiting of SMSs to five a day. You might turn the tables around and say these are inconsequential concerns of the youth given to technology, but again you would fail to realize the power and importance of this simple means of communication, blocking which, as many of the media sources have verified, caused more harm than help.  As if all this is not enough, we have so many other bans, maybe not national yet outrageous enough on their own right. How many of us are aware that there is a ban for females wearing jeans in Ranchi? This is nothing but mindless fundamentalism. If telling people what to wear is possible in a democracy then I seriously believe that the word needs to be redefined.

    Yet this isn’t the largest failure of the democracy. The biggest blow to it comes when people forget its true spirit, its meaning. When people forget the power they hold, their responsibility in a democracy, and allow themselves to be shackled to a normative way of life, is when a democracy truly fails. Undoubtedly the lack of action on the part of the government even with such popular unrests leads to a sense of deep rooted disillusionment, however this doesn't mean that we give up, because then we don not deserve to live in a democracy, and we violate the term just by being a non participating citizen. Jeans are banned?- every girl should wear them every single day. Websites and SMSs blocked, we petition, we protest. We speak till we are heard; we raise our voices till there is nothing else but its resonance. Our democracy is failing indeed, but it will not have failed till all our voices are dead!

SHADOW

I run along

My arms in the air

The wind whistling past 

Not a worry nor a care

I run fast 

And I fail to see

My shadow falters 

Invisible to me

With every hard stamped step

My being smiles

I feel whole

My shadow cries

Invincible is the word

With every burst of speed

I long to escape

My shadow cautious to flee

Faster and faster I run

No bounds no chains to hold

With every step forward 

My shadow grows cold

My feet hardly touch the ground

Running faster than sound

I hear no more rumbles and stumbles

I am deaf to my shadow's wound

Finally fastest, running no more

Gliding at the speed of light

I feel the weight being lifted away

My shadow crumbles without fight

SHADOW

I run along

My arms in the air

The wind whistling past 

Not a worry nor a care

I run fast 

And I fail to see

My shadow falters 

Invisible to me

With every hard stamped step

My being smiles

I feel whole

My shadow cries

Invincible is the word

With every burst of speed

I long to escape

My shadow cautious to flee

Faster and faster I run

No bounds no chains to hold

With every step forward 

My shadow grows cold

My feet hardly touch the ground

Running faster than sound

I hear no more rumbles and stumbles

I am deaf to my shadow's wound

Finally fastest, running no more

Gliding at the speed of light

I feel the weight being lifted away

My shadow crumbles without fight

On Happy Endings

In a country where a majority with a decent education, and almost the entire uneducated lot, dream of becoming doctors, engineers, civil servants or, as per the latest trends, chartered accountants, people are often shocked to hear my ambitions of filmmaking, furthermore, serious encouragement is scarce. Not only in India, but even outside, this industry is seen as one of glamour, and money, mostly meant for people born with diamond spoons, who can afford to chase unreasonable dreams using backhand methods or connections, to defeat the kind of casting couch which most definitely exists in India.

      What people are grossly unaware of, though, is the kind of craze that Indians have for the film industry. You could walk in a slum, and ask kids to name all the famous actors and actresses, and you might be surprised that their knowledge surpasses yours. What is even more shocking is that, they could go without meals for a few days just to buy tickets for the cinema, but not watching the latest popular film is out of the question. I once went to perform a street paly in the rawatpur slum area and a five old there was singing ‘dope shope’ a top-of-the-charts pop song, but he didn’t know his Hindi (mother tongue) alphabets.

      The importance of films in a country, which sleeps dreaming about their idols, wakes up to the hopes of a better day from the escapist happy endings they watch, and laughs and cries with the characters on screen, cannot be underestimated. Even a sappy film, may not change lives, yet is more than capable of bringing smiles and positivity to the lives of over thousands. According to a research, the harder the survival here, the more positive impact a film has. In fact a popular case even highlighted that a little boy who faced severe abuse, found happiness and the strength to survive in the films of his favourite actress.

     As far as the films themselves are concerned, they are mostly senseless comedies with happy endings. I would look down upon them condescendingly, not without disgust, till I was blessed with the understanding of why these films were all sold out, and films with the harsh realities of the life had a much smaller receptivity. I would watch these art house films in almost empty theatres, admire their direction and wonder why people appreciated nonsense over sense.  I always loved movies like the godfather, or cult films like fight club, and hoped to one day become a story teller of that stature. Even with the ambitions of film making, I didn’t see how could work successfully in the Indian film industry, till I realized what it means to the majority.

     Films with long standing family feuds come to a teary reunion, two lovers meet after decades, still as much in love, even in Romeo Juliet inspired love stories, families ultimately have a change of heart with no causalities and in Shakespeare’s words, which most Hindi films adhere to, ‘all’s well that ends well’. Popular movies include corrupt cops, who loot the mafia to help the poor, or over- honest ones who become weapons for the common man, and clean up entire countries of all crimes. Movies where men become chief ministers for a day and in that time bring about improvements not possible with hard work in years are most loved. Then of course there are multiple movies like comedies of errors, where people just get mixed up in comical cross communications, ultimately ending in happy resolution.

     Some question the kind of damage these films are bringing to the society. Most without much awareness would even comment on the false hope of utopia that these movies strive to provide. Intellectuals like to believe that our society is inflicted with escapist attitudes, with people who want to bury their heads in the sand like ignorant turkeys in times of trouble. In fact a popular art house film with India’s first ever, political song, also mocks this attitude by claiming that, (translation), ‘we attempt to create heaven by shutting all doors’. It makes me wonder, how delusional people can be to believe in these happy endings, and the kind of people I am referring to cannot afford maybe even one square meal a day, and some survive on 10 dollars a month or even less. The answer then to my question is quite clear. A kid who has never worn slippers in his feet cannot believe that one day he will wear a pair of reebok shoes, yet watching a kid his age do that on screen makes him happy. Their attitudes, thus, are not escapist, because even delusions have a limit. The horrors, which they have faced, cannot possibly lead them to hope for life like a bed of flowers.

     If these films do not enchant people, by promising them utopian societies, or encouraging escapist attitudes, why then are they so popular? Its merely because what people can never even hope to achieve in life, they find great happiness in watching on screen. Films, no matter how impractical they seem, are justified in this context to the kind of audience, whom they give happiness to.  A happy ending is something people smile at, its something even their hearts smile at, people go to bed for an entire week smiling to themselves, about the movie, till there is another one out to watch. I just hope that next time one of us walks into the theatre, we shouldn’t be overly judgmental, and comment on the quality of films in the country or on the always predictable happy endings, for there may be people quite far away, in the front rows, where you’d never imagine sitting, who have skipped other innate needs to be here. Such is the magic of films in our country that there may be a child who’ll leave with stars in his eyes, a man who’ll have a more peaceful sleep than usual, and a woman who’ll forget about the scorching heat, and smile while doing her hard chores. 

EYES

My heavy eyelids droop

Not with the promise of sweet slumber to come

But with the weight of lost hopes

Having reached their point of exhaustion.

My eyes water

Not with tears of joy or sorrow

But because of my blurry sight

Which lost the strength to focus, after constantly staring at the abyss

My lashes bat fervently

Not to attract a roving lover

But to keep out the dust and ashes

Of washed out dreams, of burnt lives

My eyes swim, trying to bolt in every direction at once

Not to feast on marvelous sights, each requiring equal attention

But to look away, or rather not to look at all

Having seen more than their fair share of enough

I cross a human skeleton

The empty eye sockets in the skull so inviting

Oh! To be engulfed in darkness forever