Mesmerising Duality

The duality of feelings in my situation mesmerises me

On one hand I'm somewhat lonely

And on the other hand I enjoy this feeling of walking alone

I miss people I can trust

But it's also refreshing how much I was craving such loneliness

I feel intelligent because I made it here

And I feel incredibly stupid when I see how I just barely did- and how many smart and amazing people there are from all over the world.

I often have to face my inadequacies

Yet it's not a negative reproach

Because I'm discovering myself as I never have

It's like I'm really seeing myself for the first time

There are so many people

It's very disconnected- and yet there are these almost invisible strong connections uniting everyone in their solitude, in their differences.

There are noises- overwhelming sounds

And I still seem to be hearing myself more clearly than ever before

There is a fear of the new- the unknown

And yet there's this tiny brave heart in me which is cherishing every second of venturing into the strange and amazing

I'm standing alone on this bridge beautifully illuminated by blue lights as if complementing the night skies above

There are disturbances- movements distractions

And yet I've never concentrated better

Never been more in control of my thoughts

Or had greater clarity about life.