Will I Make It

An anxiety clawing my brain, certain inhibitions cloud my confidence.
I ask myself something that most people contemplate
Will I make it? Or all is lost
My usually over confident self has plummeted to an all time record low
My mind is playing tricks on me
An innocent bystander’s gaze perceived as scrutinizing
It seems everyone is judging me
It’s hard to keep up to the pace of life
And I ask myself again
Will I make it? Or all is lost
But It seems my question is answered as I travel back in time
I am five, on the football field. I can hear the cheering roars
I embrace the cheer; run, duck, dodge and I score!
Did I make it- well of course.
It’s the year of experimentation in the kitchen, now that I am a grand seven
I try hard to concentrate on making chapattis, the devilish melting butter taking me into a trance
From star shape moulds I make little chapattis, whether they were edible I still don’t know- I remember feeding everyone but myself
Did I make it then- well their loving expressions sure said so.
My achievements seemed to have stopped briefly till I was a young eleven year old.
As I desperately tried to improve my illegible handwriting
Wanting to impress my teacher, I copied hers
It seems my naïve efforts were successful; it did bear a distantly vague resemblance to hers.
Well did I make it?- her grand smile did portray so.
And then I became a teen- yes thirteen was the year
I stood before the mike, shivering like a leaf
I was frozen and tongue tied, my mind blanked out
Then a little encouragement from behind, and oh I did recover.
Had I made it- well that was sure from the audience uproar.
I was fifteen back then- when I got my first position of responsibility.
I was mighty glad of this honor and solemnly swore to be the best I could be
But had I made it- well yes ‘cause there were younger kids who looked up to me.
Lets jump to the seventeenth year- pretty important one would say
I was about to write my boards-but certain astrological aspects seemed to be battling my faith in me
I worked harder to prove myself, despite self -doubts
I wasn’t giving up so easily. I knew I had to prove to myself
 What all I was capable of, what all I could be
Did I make it?- the results sure said so
Finally nineteen going on twenty, I am pretty sure you are tried of reading about me.
An aspiring writer with some broken hopes and first rejections, I was just learning what life could be.
I tried to adjust in different ways- sometimes being what people expected me to be
It did take some time but I formed my own identity
Did I make it- well that’s for you all to see.
Back again to the question now answered
Will I make it?- or all is lost
Well it most certainly is not, and I will no longer worry about the future, besides I have already made it several times over.